Table Manners

I envy the duplicate players who, when the dummy comes down, always say “Thank you partner” in a nice even tone no matter what shows up. When I bid one no trump with a lovely, well balanced hand and 17 points, partner/husband passes more than half the time. When the dummy comes down he may have a jack or a ten, if I’m lucky. Sometimes I remember to say “Thank you partner”. When I do, I usually add “for that nice dreck of a hand”. Or, the “thank you partner” comes out sounding like the thank you to husband when I get a vacuum cleaner for an anniversary gift unless, of course, a four carat diamond is attached to the crevice tool. Now, that would get a thank you akin to slam laydown, in our case, unbid of course.

The other night, I dumped partner into an unmakeable five diamond contract instead of rebidding my six card spade suit. I apologized about six times, one for each spade. Our opponents said, “They must be married. She sounds as if she doesn’t mean it.” Actually, I did mean it but I suppose I lacked sincerity. Next up, acting classes to hone skills in sounding if not being authentic at the bridge table.

I’ve been working on the stone face thing. It’s really tough to sit as dummy and watch partner leave a good 13th diamond on the board, transfer to hand, and go down one. I keep reminding myself I have done way worse such as trumping my good ace from the dummy on the first trick of the game and similarly going down one. Early on, we were chastised by a lady who said I had looked at partner and that was how he knew to lead the a club to me which set her contract. I didn’t remember looking at him at all but now, I just don’t. I keep my head down and look only at the cards on the table. Most people at the club know me by the way I part my hair. If I part on the other side, they have to read my nametag.

We decided to try another club sectional recently and an imp game at that. We have read about imps and had them explained to us by various people, but totally understanding imps is still a goal. At one table early in the match, opponents were in a five diamond contract. We had them down two when the declarer summoned the director saying that partner had not followed suit. Two trick penalty. I thanked the ladies after the game, turned and left the table to get a drink of water without looking at or speaking to partner. I wonder if the hat lady would say that was okay in such an egregious situation. His remorse didn’t help a bit. The only bright spot in the situation was that I hadn’t committed the flagrant foul. Flagrant foul punishment from the National Basketball Association can be a fine and/or suspension for a game or two. Hmmm.

Good luck partner.