Tricky Business

Husband/partner and I played in a bracketed Swiss with pickup partners at the July Regional here in San Antonio.  One nice lady with over 800 points was trying to help her friend get some gold toward her life master status.  We did quite well in two events and met them again at the Richardson Regional later on in the summer.  As we got to know each other better, the 800 pointer told the following story:

 

When she was just starting out, she had a male partner and was playing against two other males for three boards in a pairs game.  The opposing gentlemen and her partner gently reminded her when she turned her cards the wrong way after taking or losing a trick.  After the third or fourth time this happened, she said, "I guess I'm just not very good at turning tricks".  She turned red while telling me this story.  I can't imagine how red she was when the gentlemen at the table broke up laughing.

Bridge Director

Amazingly, I passed the exam to become a certified bridge director.  Very much like becoming a life master, becoming a bridge director is more than a piece of paper saying I are one.  Now I have to learn how to direct.  I think it will be a work in progress for a while.

Lady in Waiting

Nope; the title doesn't refer to the infamous two diamonds waiting bid over two clubs.  I'm talking about waiting to hear about the results of a test.  After studying for about two months and sleeping with four books about directing bridge games, with husband/partner banished to the guest room (joking), I took the test to become a director last Saturday.  The ancient game of bridge uses the ancient technique of paper and pencil, mail in the test, and get the results by mail in several weeks.  Sigh.  I'm more of an instant gratification girl; take it online and get an immediate score but, sadly, ACBL is not that advanced.

Studying for the exam was an experience.  I thought learning the ins and outs of the Jacoby 2NT convention was difficult.  Piece of cake compared with memorizing the five things that happen with an initial lead out of turn.  Being somewhat dyslexic (as in I can't tell left from right or east from west), learning what the penalty is for bids out of turn,  depending on where the designated bidder sits, was an almost insurmountable challenge.  I'm still not sure I have it correctly programmed in my head even after several director/friends have patiently explained the differences to me. 

I was going to take the test secretly in case I failed; then no one would know.  There are no secrets in the bridge community.  Everyone knows and everyone says, "It's open book - how hard can it be?" Well, the problem is, one must understand the book, apply principles and figure stuff out.  The law book itself is a master work of legalese.  Among the committee members of whiz bang bridge players who codified the laws, sat one of the smartest, if not the smartest, kid in my small high school class of 100 people.  What are the odds?  The kid who immediately understood the concept of n space in physics ends up writing bridge laws.  I should have known it wouldn't be easy.

I took the test so that I could back up our regular director in our small neighborhood sanctioned games which happen a few times a month.  I didn't plan to direct in the big club games but who knows?  Maybe I'll get brave enough to do one or two if, by some miracle, I actually passed the thing.

Still waiting.

Camping Out

My favorite sectional is in Rockport, Texas on the gulf coast.  It has lovely scenery, art galleries, great restaurants and we play bridge in a beach pavilion with big windows which are great for bird and dolphin watching while I am going down in yet another makeable no trump contract.  I feel just as stupid but in better surroundings than usual.

 

However, while there, another bridgely pet peeve reared its clubbed head.  While Rockport is full of RVs and is a great place for camping, some players seem to think that great camping places extend to their seat.  The Swiss round had been called.  While everyone else was finding assigned seats and shuffling boards, I was standing behind my assigned seat while the camper in it prepared to move (pick six or more of the following) drinks, scorecard, bridgemate, a huge purse, cell phone, backpack, tote bag,  card holder, sweater, seat cushion, scarf, medications, jacket, blanket or sleeping bag.  Okay, maybe a sleeping bag exaggerates the problem but not by much.

 

Swiss are the worst bridge camp out sites since pairs settle in for 12 boards a round.  I get it that people like to be comfortable but really; enough already!  I followed a woman in a pairs' game the other day and, each time she left the table, I had to hand her a sweater, drink or score card.  EVERY ROUND!  Practicing zero tolerance and restraint, I just continued to smile and hand her stuff.  She must be one of the few people outside of Downton Abbey who still retain servants.

 

The worst, for me, is following messy campers who leave Kleenex strewn about and food particles all over the table and chair.  This is good for Purell stock since, after picking up Kleenex and napkins, I immediately head for the antiseptic gel. The most sickening (literally) ick factor is the guy who licks his finger before picking up each card or taking one out of the bidding box.  I try to sit in his opposite direction for health reasons. 

 

Let's clean it up out there, folks.  In return, I promise not to whine about bad cards and wretched games.

 

 

IN A FIX

From tonight's fortune cookies at the local Chinese place:

mine:                         Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.
husband/partner's:                           It's kind of fun to do the impossible.

Put those two together and whadya get?  All together now:  BRIDGE!!!  The game where it seems to be fun to do the impossible and play your cards well; at least with any consistency.

I played those I held fairly well today and so did my partner (he played his expertly being the expert that he is - no it wasn't husband/partner).  We had an okay game and had fun but didn't do the impossible which was overcome the fixes we received on six or so boards.

I think all of us have been in many fixes while playing bridge, in my case, mostly of my own making. Locking myself off the board away from three good notrump tricks and going down is my most frequent self made fix.  It gives a top board to the opposition who happen to be at my table when everyone else in the room makes the no trump contract while my partner and I get a nice bottom.

However, sitting down against an A pair who bid and make 6NT while no one else in the room even thinks about it, makes me whine about fixes. Everyone's favorite fix is playing against a novice pair who unknowingly stumble into a game which no one using standard bidding methods finds.

A few definitions of the word fix:

1.     To spay or castrate.
        (More painful than bridge fixes, I imagine.)

2.     To get even with . 
        ( I am tempted but try to adhere to zero tolerance.)
 

3.     To influence the outcome or actions of by improper or unlawful means.
         (Improper; usually - Unlawful...usually not).

Fixes are what in any other sport would be called bad luck, I suppose.  I really shouldn't complain too much about getting fixed.  Husband/partner and I were playing in a rather uneven field one day when we sat down with teacher Wayne and his wife, both  excellent bridge players.  Wayne bid and made a cold 6 NT and I was complaining that we were sitting with the only pair in the room that would get near the bid.  On the next board, husband/partner and I got to a cold 6 clubs. All of us knew no one else would bid it.  Payback is hell.  They should both have been average boards but were not.  Fix one and Fix two.  All of us give as well as receive.

Observing the wisdom of the fortune cookie writers, I will continue to try to have fun doing the impossible overcoming fixes at the table by playing  well the cards I have been dealt.  I wonder if there is any wisdom in fortune cookies about how to deal with futility?