Husband/Partner's Bad Day

Husband/Partner has stolen Dementor Robert away from me.  They play together on occasion when I am otherwise occupied with other partners.  They had a bad day today with one shining bright spot.  Robert opened 2 clubs.  Partner/Husband had 2 jacks and a queen and, following their system, bid 2 hearts showing no ace or king.  The 2 hearts was doubled, presumably a lead directing double, and Robert passed.  Husband/partner didn't see the double card and passed.  He was in 2 Hearts with 2 Hearts in his hand and 2 in dummy.  He made the contract.  He tried to tell me how he did it.  Something about running the Ace, King, Queen in 2 other suits which happened to split well and then trumping something with the 2 in his hand and the ace on the board bringing in the eighth trick.  The traveler showed all other pairs in 3 NT going down one.

After hearing that story, I truly believe that in this game ANYTHING at all is possible.

The Language of Bridge

It's NOT what you are thinking out there.  I don't mean the four letter words I occasionally use going down yet again in no trump.  Nope.  I'm thinking about our secret code, i.e. the bidding systems.  We have a friend who does not understand our bridge obsession.  Actually, most of our friends can't understand it but this one friend has a question which has been on my mind for a while since he posed it.  The question went something like this:

"If you guys have to tell the opponents what your bid means, why doesn't everyone just save time and say, 'I have two spades'; 'I have three diamonds''; 'I think we have slam here, partner, how many aces do you have?"   His theory is that would be way easier, clearer, and really the same as what is curently done with bids.

Sadly, I had no answer and he concluded the remark with a superior look on his face and segued off to annoy his other friend, the Cowboys fan, about how bad the team looked this year.  He enjoys annoying people.  I can't figure out why I like him so much.  Maybe it's because he is my cardiologist and keeps me alive to play another day.

But, really, why do we have this complicated coded way to tell each other more or less what is in our hands?  Aha you say, because the game wouldn't be as interesting without the bidding.  Well, that is certainly true given the messes some pairs get into with different systems or even simple systems.  Those do provide entertainment and good boards for the opponents when there is a partnership misunderstanding.

The experts say that half of being a good player is defense.  I would posit that the other half is figuring out what the heck partner is trying to tell you.  Actually, counting out the hand and taking the finesse for the missing Queen of Clubs (why  the Queen of Clubs is so often the critical missing card is another question I can't answer) is no challenge compared to decoding partner's bids.

Like any other group, medical people, legal people, advertising people, or media people, we bridge players have our own arcane little way of communicating or "language" which is undecipherable to outsiders.  Although, at times, we may even be inscrutable to each other, the bridge vocabulary separates us out and makes us a unique group.  I like that.  I think that is part of the charm of the game and enhances our sense of community.  Can I explain that to any non duplicate player so that it sounds sensible?   Probably not.

Stylin'

For all of you oldie readers (like me) who may not know the meaning of that new verb "stylin", here it is from the  online urban dictionary:

1. (sti-lin) slang. meaning looking good or in fashion.

2. (stiii-lin) slang. to lie, con, bluff, play or simply get-over on someone.
 
Hmm.  I know a lot of bridge players who lie, con, bluff and many who need to get over themselves but some are definitely lookin' good while playin' the game....... i.e. STYLIN' bridge.
 

I admire the women who sit in erect posture, beautifully manicured and beringged hands holding fanned cards the correct distance away for optimum viewing through whatever bifocal strength is being worn.  However, the ones who are graceful as ballet dancers in depositing the card on to the table top, amaze me.  You have noticed the ones with the slightly curved arm movement ending in a graceful flip as the card hits the table.  If I tried to do that, opponents would think I was having an arm seizure and tell my neurologist husband/partner to put me on some medication. 

 

Not so admirable are the players who toss the dummy in the general direction of the table, leaving the cards piled up, laying sideways, or in total disarray.  Being sort of a neat freak, when I first began to play, I would reach over to the opponents' dummies and straighten out whatever suit I was interested in actually seeing.  I was admonished in no uncertain terms that I was NEVER to touch someone else's dummy so now I politely ask the dummy depositor (read this any way you want to) to please arrange the cards so that we all might know what is there. 

 

I have a very wonderful occasional partner whose style is what I call, subrosa.  She holds her hand below the table top.  Whatever card appears from down below seems more of a surprise than cards coming from above. 

 

Then there is husband/partner whose method is to try to obscure in any way possible whatever card is coming out of his hand. I think, this method is designed to avoid anyone noticing his revokes.  The opponents and I have to ask him to please lay  his card on the table rather than holding on to it so that we all can share in his joy of trumping an ace (fat chance).  It's stylin' but annoyingly so.

 
I'm not even getting into the card snapping issue here.  That isn't a style.  It's just obnoxious.
 

Postures at the table vary greatly.  There are the slouchers who always seem to be trying to show that they are so far above any other player that the current oppostition bores them.  They give the impression that are barely paying attention and they don't need to.  I like whacking those guys on a board or two. 

One of my favorites to watch play is dementor Robert.  When I lay down a dummy for him, he puts his hand down, folds his arms and leans half way across the table to stare at the dummy for a while before starting play.  I never know if he can't believe what he is seeing because my bidding was so inscrutable or what?  He says he is making a plan. Okay.  We'll go with that.  I like his style.

Of course, everyone has seen the pissed off partner who slams her cards on the table, throws them at the table, or slides them across the table in disgust.  This is usually leading up to or after a partnership disagreement and we can't wait to leave those tables.  I usually mumble a thank you and try to unobtrusively slide out of my chair while they go at it.  Bad stylin'.

My least favorite style is the players who agonize over whether to play a 2 or 3 on my Ace.  Please.  Get on with it.  Along the same lines, several players stand the card to be played on end, let it sit there for some seconds, and then ever so slowly, let it drop.  I play my hand at a fairly quick pace and I know of one player who uses this method I think to try to get me off my game.  It usually works.  When the hand is played that slowly, I sometimes have trouble remembering the count.

Keep on keeping on all you stylin' bridge players.  I hope to play long enough to develop a style of my own.