At the Rockport sectional last weekend, held in Port Aransas instead of Rockport, a very nice lady told me this story.
Her partner was in the balancing seat and paused for a while before passing. The opponent started in; "Do you agree that was a prolonged pause? Do you? She took a longer than usual time to pass." The lady agreed that was so but it made no difference since no one else could bid anyway after her pass.
On the next hand, her partner who has limited club playing experience, forgot to alert new minor forcing. After the bidding was over, the same person asked "Was that new minor forcing? Was it? Do you admit your partner failed to alert it? Do you?" Again, the lady politely agreed.
The third hand, partner failed to announce transfer. To no one's surprise, the same player said, "Was that a transfer? Was it? Do you admit that your partner failed to announce it? Do you?"
The nice lady then responded, "Yes, I will admit to everything you have said if you will admit there is a perfect asshole at this table."
As the story made its way around the room, the nice lady was high fived and called "my hero" by many, including me since I had played against the same obnoxious person for three straight days.
It may violate zero tolerance, but I cheered her response.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
How to Fire a Partner
Husband/partner and I, along with friend/partners Jay and Paula, took a road trip to the Rockport Sectional last weekend. It was held in Port Aransas due to the fact that the genius's in Rockport had double booked the facility used regularly, twice a year, for the sectional. Husband/partner programmed the GPS and named the new destination Port A bridge. As we arrived at the site, the GPS announced "Arriving at porta bridge on right". We played somewhat better than porta potty bridge which immediately became our name for the tournament.
One of the opponents was discussing how many partnership problems seemed to be occuring in the room. She was thinking about writing a book on how to fire one's partner. Here are some hints.
10. Change your phone number and email address and don't tell anyone.
9. Tell partner that he/she is so much better than you are that they should find a better partner who is more at their level.
8. Say that you are quitting bridge. When you show up again, say that you changed your mind.
7. Use the difference in your "styles" to discuss incompatibility. The fact that you can't stand their personal habits at the table or other personal idiosyncracies need not be brought up since these are covered under "style" differences.
6. Totally book yourself with other partners.
5. Take on a mentee or three who will take up all of your available time.
4. Say that you are "cutting back" on bridge time and, sadly, games with you are the ones to go.
3. Tell partner that you have decided to play only with A players to improve your game. Then beg any and every A player for a play date. Good luck with that one.
2. There is always the truth - be up front with partner and have the guts to be honest. This is almost a last resort.
1. Move. This is last resort.
One of the opponents was discussing how many partnership problems seemed to be occuring in the room. She was thinking about writing a book on how to fire one's partner. Here are some hints.
10. Change your phone number and email address and don't tell anyone.
9. Tell partner that he/she is so much better than you are that they should find a better partner who is more at their level.
8. Say that you are quitting bridge. When you show up again, say that you changed your mind.
7. Use the difference in your "styles" to discuss incompatibility. The fact that you can't stand their personal habits at the table or other personal idiosyncracies need not be brought up since these are covered under "style" differences.
6. Totally book yourself with other partners.
5. Take on a mentee or three who will take up all of your available time.
4. Say that you are "cutting back" on bridge time and, sadly, games with you are the ones to go.
3. Tell partner that you have decided to play only with A players to improve your game. Then beg any and every A player for a play date. Good luck with that one.
2. There is always the truth - be up front with partner and have the guts to be honest. This is almost a last resort.
1. Move. This is last resort.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Between Times
Top Ten things bridge players do between rounds (with apologies to Letterman).
10. Disappear into the bathroom for ten minutes (this occurs only if the player is late finishing last board and is dealer on the first board of his next table).
9. Part A: Castigate partner for not remembering that the 2 and 3 of clubs in dummy were good or otherwise discuss the previous boards but only if the round has been called for over five minutes and the next east west player is looming over the chair unnoticed by the oblivious occupant .
Part B: Go over the hand just played, complete with spreading the cards on the table. This is only done by chronically late pairs who are chronically late because they do this after every hand.
8. Part A: Congratulate partner for playing a hand well when the contract was made on a mistake by the opposition.
Part B: Tell the opposing player that if had only played his Ace, the singleton king of trump would have dropped or deliver any other newsflashes designed to make another player feel like an idiot.
7. Check cell phone for messages, texts, a new game in Words with Friends, or knock off some nasty pigs with angry birds.
6. Catch up on family members, travels, pets and other life events which make us a community. It's amazing how much one learns about other players in the minutes between rounds.
5. Discuss newest health issues and medications or ask the doctor or nurse at the table for an opinion. Husband/partner and I are happy to oblige but only if we finish the round early.
4. Set up future bridge dates. Phone vs. paper calendars; the jury is still out.
3. Discuss Politics. When I am north, I ban political discussions at my table. Should a player persist, I leave the table and ask them to call me when they are finished with the discussion/opinionating which, usually, is opposite my leanings.
2. Whine about what a bad game you are having (my personal fave).
and always Number One:
Graze the food table.
10. Disappear into the bathroom for ten minutes (this occurs only if the player is late finishing last board and is dealer on the first board of his next table).
9. Part A: Castigate partner for not remembering that the 2 and 3 of clubs in dummy were good or otherwise discuss the previous boards but only if the round has been called for over five minutes and the next east west player is looming over the chair unnoticed by the oblivious occupant .
Part B: Go over the hand just played, complete with spreading the cards on the table. This is only done by chronically late pairs who are chronically late because they do this after every hand.
8. Part A: Congratulate partner for playing a hand well when the contract was made on a mistake by the opposition.
Part B: Tell the opposing player that if had only played his Ace, the singleton king of trump would have dropped or deliver any other newsflashes designed to make another player feel like an idiot.
7. Check cell phone for messages, texts, a new game in Words with Friends, or knock off some nasty pigs with angry birds.
6. Catch up on family members, travels, pets and other life events which make us a community. It's amazing how much one learns about other players in the minutes between rounds.
5. Discuss newest health issues and medications or ask the doctor or nurse at the table for an opinion. Husband/partner and I are happy to oblige but only if we finish the round early.
4. Set up future bridge dates. Phone vs. paper calendars; the jury is still out.
3. Discuss Politics. When I am north, I ban political discussions at my table. Should a player persist, I leave the table and ask them to call me when they are finished with the discussion/opinionating which, usually, is opposite my leanings.
2. Whine about what a bad game you are having (my personal fave).
and always Number One:
Graze the food table.
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